My best friend, my family, my BROTHER

My brother and I have been close since we were little. He IS my best friend. One day we were sitting and talking about all the crazy stuff in our life and I jst came out and told him my ex girlfriend was getting me down again. He just sat there kinda in shock like “what??” and nodded his head and said sorry. I have told only him and my friends. He’s the one that kept telling me I should tell my family but I’m afraid of how they ate going to react. I’m 20 and have known I was different since I was 12. I have a bf and I love him and a son from another guy and I’m bisexual so I catch a lot of criticism for that. I’m slowly coming out but it’s HARD!!!!

Photo by Mktp/Flickr.com

Popularity: 3% [?]

Was Coming Out Worth It?

October 7th, 2006 was the night of my sophomore homecoming. I didn’t
Feel like going so I spent the day with a friend of mine. He wanted to
Stay overnight at my house, something we did from time to time just to
be able to stay up later and watch movies, play games etc.

However It seemed to offend his mother that we never wanted to stay at
His house, the reason for that being his parents were always arguing
And it was always very chaotic.

My friend literally begged his mother to let him leave with me, which
I found odd considering my house can be rather boring at times much

Like anyone else’s. He told her he received no privacy when he had
Friends at his house and that made his mother angry. She pulled him
Aside while I waited in his room and I listened to her ask him “Why do
You want to go over there so badly? What exactly are you guy’s doing
That you don’t want anyone else around for?’

I immediately took that as a gay insult, because years earlier I used
To be teasedand called a “faggot” every single day.
I was deeply hurt that she would say that and I left without saying anything.

On the way home I told my mother what had happened. She decided to
Call my friends house and explain why I had left in such a hurry but
Not before asking me whether or not I WAS gay. She said she couldn’t
Defend me against a false accusation if it wasn’t false.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth. I lied and told her I
Wasn’t and so she called my friends mom. I listened to their
Conversation and, once it was over my mother told me that she’d meant
No offence against me by saying that, and she merely thought that her
Son was looking at pornography while he was at my house or something
Along that line.

This, I knew, was complete BS. Anyone who knew me for as long as they
Did would be SURE to know how I feel about pornography, drugs and
Things of that nature. I went downstairs and cried, hysterically to my
Friend who I called to console me. Then, I went out into my backyard
And stood by our creek.

During that time, I realized I needed to quit lying to everyone and
Just admit that I was gay. I’d long known I had an attraction to other
Men…it’s not something that can go unnoticed by one. So, from
That moment on I decided that anyone I met I would tell I was gay.
Then it occurred to me that there ARE no openly gay people where I
Live. So I made an alternate myspace where I could truly be myself and
Started meeting people on there. That is where I met my good friend
Allyson, who I am still friends with to this day.

In the beginning, I met a few guys that piqued my interest, but most
Of them appeared to just use me as an Internet fantasy in order to get
Off. I didn’t appreciate being treated like that so, after it had
Happened a few times I decided to take my time a find someone worth
Giving my attention to.

It was at that time that I met Jamie.

He was nice to me, sweet really and it was a strange and miraculous
Feeling to be treated less like a sex object and more like a person
With feelings and emotions. I took my time with him though, coming out
Had left me feeling afraid to start any new relationship.

Unfortunately, the only relationship we were able to have was long
Distance, but I was so desperate to have someone around me who
Understood how I felt that I took it regardless.

Jamie and I “dated” for over half a year. During that time, he treated
Me decent. He didn’t yell at me, ignore me or seem to be using me as a
Sex object like the others had. For awhile I was happy, and I thought
I really was in love and did not hesitate to tell him that.

However, in June of 07 I finally broke up with him after realizing
That our “relationship” wasn’t based on anything solid. Since then he
Has “gone straight”. We talk once in a blue moon and I always find
Myself amused by the fact that he was able to switch teams like that.
During the time I dated him, I had some problems going on at home as
Well. In February of 07, I was on the phone with him when my mother
Picked up…she listened to us talking and knew that this was more
Than just a “friend” of mine.

She started yelling and screaming at me, shoving me and demanding to
know who was on the phone. She accused me of lying to her and asked
why I never told her before, I responded by saying that I wanted to
delay this reaction for as long as possible and I hadn’t even admitted
it to myself yet. She teased me then and said that that sounded like a
line from a cheesy soap opera.

I started to cry and told her about how, two years earlier, I had
tried to commit suicide by ingesting poisonious chemicals. This calmed
her down a bit, but for the remainder of that year she teased and
argued with me constantly over my sexuality, telling me that I was
“confused” and mocking me by saying things like “I THINK I may be gay
but I don’t know…does anal sex hurt?”.

She said that to me one day before I went into work and I spent ten minutes crying in the
bathroom. My mother would often tease me about my relationship with
Jamie, saying we were both stupid and she was even so bold as to call
him a “faggot” to my face.

Then, in March my mother and my best friend got into a terrible fight
over something stupid and my friend was banned from my house. This
really REALLY upset me, and, with everything else that was going
on…I became overwhelmed and depressed and cut myself.
My mother came into the room, saw me bleeding and proceeded to cuss at
me, shove me, and tell me that if I wanted to kill myself I should
just tell her and she’d go get me the knife to do it with. Afterward,
she convinced me to go see a therapist.

That one moment has forever changed the way I view my mother. I still
love her, but not in the same way. I look at her through a different
set of eyes now.

I still treat her like any son would treat his mother, but on the
inside I am constantly reminded of that one moment, that one
sentence. I do forgive her, people fear what they do not understand
and often, because of that fear, say things they don’t mean. But that
doesn’t change the fact that it was still said. That is something I’ll
never be able to forget.

Then, once my life seemed to get back to whatever can be defined as
“normal” in July, my grandmother got sick. She had gone down to
Florida with my mother and sister while I stayed home with my dad.

Upon returning back to Michigan, she felt lumps up and down her side.
We were all worried that the cancer had come back (she’d had it a few
years prior and she was sicker than I had ever seen anyone).

My mother took her to the hospital and she was forced to stay
overnight. The doctors did find cancerous cells and some sort of
mysterious spot on her lung which they also believed could have been
cancer. However, that was not the real issue…the real issue was her
gallbladder which they completely ignored.

I went to visit my grandmother for a few day’s in a row, she seemed to
be doing okay. She talked to me and told me how proud she was of me,
and how much she loved me. I remember leaning down to hug her and kiss
her cheek before leaving. Unbeknown to me, that was the last time I
would ever speak to her again.

A few days after I had gone and seen her in mid July she went
unresponsive. They had given her too much medication and her hands and
feet swelled up like balloons. My mother called me and told me while
my sister and I were out with the very friend my mother banned from my
house back in March (I was still allowed to spend time with her). My
friend’s father gave us a ride to the hospital. My sister and I went
up to see my grandmother who was stationed in the “Intensive care”
unit.

She didn’t even seem to know we were there. I tried to wake her and
she just groaned as though she were having a nightmare. My sister then
started to cry so I had to take her out of the room.

The rest of the summer seemed to be spent in the hospital. My aunt
came up from Ohio to be with my mother and help make decisions on what
to do about the situation. The doctors told us they could preform a
surgery that would help her, though she may bleed out on the table
during the operation. After some deliberating and a lot of arguing
with the doctors that had ignored my grandmother, my mother decided to
go ahead with the operation.

The surgery was set for July 27th at around noon. At around 5:00am
that morning, we got a call from the hospital saying my grandmother’s
heart-rate had dropped and she wasn’t going to make it to the surgery.
We all got up, got dressed and headed to the hospital. We spent hours
there, watching her lay there and groan on the bed while the machines
beeping kept time like a metronome. I got tired and went to lay down
in the room next door, which was empty. That’s when my other
grandmother and my aunt (father’s side) showed up.

The doctor came in and told us it would be wise to give my grandma
morphine because, it would stop any pain she may have been feeling and
it would take her from us slowly and effortlessly.

Although my view of my mother has changed, I do admire her for having
the courage to speak for someone who, is not only dying (and your
mother) but has no voice in the matter. I couldn’t imagine doing that.
My mom decided to give her the morphine and we all sat with my
grandmother and listened as the machine monitoring her heart rate
slowed. I remember the look on her face just before I stared crying,
and how cold her hand was in my own. The nurse shut off the machines
before it completely flat lined.

I cried so much that day and it was all just a surreal blur. We had
her cremated and some of her ashes were put into necklaces for my
sisters and I.

In August I went on a fishing trip with my father, cousin and
uncle. I felt that getting out of the house, were all my grandmothers
thing’s still were (and my nasty mother), would do me good. However,
It was the most boring “vacation” I have ever been on. I was cold,
wet, and miserable. I was left alone with my thoughts far too often,
which, due to all the events that had happened, wasn’t something I
enjoyed experiencing.

It’s been years since then and a lot has happened. More mom drama obviously, but
nothing worth typing here. I came out to the rest of my family and
they were fine with it, thank God.

However, one other thing did happen that is worth typing. I developed feelings for a friend of mine during
my junior year of high school, who was straight. It was absolutely
horrid…he was so sweet and nice but I couldn’t bring myself to say
anything to him.

It’s funny….all the time I was with Jamie I longed for him to be
close to me, to touch me. Then, when I met someone I did like who
possibly could have, I shyed away. I never let my friend touch me, not
even a handshake. I didn’t WANT to like him. I told myself I wouldn’t,
I swore I wouldn’t…I knew it would only lead to trouble, and it
did…at least for me.

On his last day of school…he gave me this letter:

thank you so much. You have been such a great friend and you really
have changed my life. I find myself different in many ways because I
met you and because of the things we have talked about over these last
couple of months. You are someone that I will always remember. Without
you in 2nd hour I don’t know what I would have done with myself,
aaaaaaaahhhhhhh, Mr. S will never shut up. Good luck with everything
and thanks for putting up with my ridiculous problems. I honestly
don’t have one bad thing to say about that class (aside from the
talking) and it is all thanks to you. Sorry this is sort I’m not much
of a writer.

And suddenly I felt all the walls I’d built crumble in seconds and I
longed to throw myself at him and bawl my eyes out and tell him how
much I cared for him. But I couldn’t at that time. However, toward the
end of that summer I sent him an email containing everything you read
above (which is deeply personal) and my feelings for him as well as a
poem he inspired me to write (a hobby which I still continue, although
he is no longer the inspiration) to which he never replied.

That was heartbreaking, and I was very depressed for quite awhile
because of that. I eventually found the courage to ask him why he
hadn’t said anything to me about it and he told me that his mother had
found it, read it, deleted it and basically told him the “jist” of it
(which made me sound like a crazy gay masochist who wanted to sleep
with him).

I really had no idea what to do with myself after that, but somehow I
managed to keep moving forward with life and I have now graduated high
school and will be attending a university at the end of August.
It’s been over a year since I first admitted I had feelings for Nick
and made him aware of them, and sometimes I still find myself thinking
about him and missing him.

Looking back I think I’ve turned out alright despite all the crap I
delt with and I know there are people out there that have it far worse
than I did so I consider myself lucky. However, my idea of what the
gay community was and the realization of what it is are strikingly
different.

I have found that so many of the men I meet are superficial, arrogant,
stereotypical or just not my type or I theirs. I really don’t know where to go from here or if there’s even anywhere to go. I just try to take things one day at a time. I think that’s all we really can do.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Someday they’ll know

hi. im 20 and im bisexual and some of my friends know it. i came out at a coming out party we were having at school for our club. everyone was really supportive. some of my friends even went up on stage with me so i didn’t feel so akward. but i dont know how my close friends would feel about it or my parents either. one of my close friends knows and she said it was about time. my parents are so by the bible i dont know how to tell them. im too scared to. and i really dont know how to tell my brothers. my friends at school are the only ones that know. they are the only ones that do not care. im even starting to go to church because they accept me. they have no problems with LGBT’s. but telling my step dad and even my real father is the scarriest thing i will have to do. i ask my step dad all the time about how he feels about gays and he says he knows some but i better not be gay. it kills me that he thinks that way. my mom i think would be more supportive but she is catholic and crazy sometimes. my best friend of 15 years doesnt even know. i told my ex boyfriend that im bisexual and he didnt talk to me for days. he finally came around and we are best friends. i know that someday everyone will know im bisexual. i just dont know when they will. someday they will.

Popularity: 4% [?]

I Just Came Out

I just came out. Today was the first time I have actually uttered the words: “I’m Gay” to another human being. It was terrifying! But the wonderful friend I told, just smiled. She wasn’t shocked. She was touched that I trusted her enough to tell her. She even gave me a hug when I started to cry. I never thought I would get that response from anyone. I had hoped that she would understand, but she went above and beyond. I’ve been in the closet for years….just admitted to myself that I can’t breathe in there anymore. This is the first step for me. I know that my family will never accept this. I know that. So…now it’s my time to decide…do I be honest and lose them? or do I continue my long distance lie and keep them? It felt so good to finally say it out loud….even if I have no idea when I will ever say it again. I wish I was as brave as the other people on this website. I really do. Reading their stories gives me some comfort and hope that someday I will be that brave.

Popularity: 4% [?]

One Lesbian daughter and One transgender Daughter

I knew I was gay at a very younge age. I was always caught playing “doctor” with girls but my family never put 2 and 2 together. It wasnt until about 3 years ago when I really came out to myself. It took my first girlfriend to really come out of my shell. I started first with my friends and have slowly came out to my family. Comming out to my mother was the hardest part. I have 2 other siblings one sister and one brother. My sister is gay. She came out at the age of 16 and my family has accepted her with open arms so I figured it would be no big deal. When my mother found out I didnt even have a chance to tell her, she walked in on us having sex. She wasnt sappose to be home. She threw me out of the house that day and told me to never come back. I was a disappointment to her. I was sappose to be the “normal” child to her. The one who is going to have the huge wedding have lots of babies and be shown off as the one who did something with her life. What my mother didnt know is that I can be gay and still have all that. Comming out to her was my biggest step, no it didnt happen the way I wanted it to but atleast she knows. It has also helped me realize the person she is and its not good for me. We always struggled to form some kind of relationship but it never worked. Now I realize it wasnt because I was different, shes the one who needs to come to terms with herself. I also came out to my sister and she welcomed me with open arms. She knew that it wasnt my choice to be gay, she knows how difficult your life becomes the minute you realize it. Not only did she have to come out as a lesbian but now she has been challenged to comming out as a transgender. She likes to go by Josh and hopes to make it perminate someday. Everyone goes throught different changes and they have different ways of dealing with it. I dont believe someone chooses to be gay, they just are and its a wonderful gift to have. You are unique, You are special, and life can be great! Find it deep with in you and you can push through anything!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Growing up – Me and the Closet

Growing up, I always knew there was something different about me from all the other boys. I was more emotional and intact with my feeling. I was a loner for a large part of my childhood, not seeming to be able to connect with other boys my age. Once again, I was different and at the time, I didn’t know what this difference was, but little did I know it was coming full speed ahead!

I moved around from city to city with my parents, going to a total of 9 public school, and being the outcast at every single last one of them. When we finally settled in our current city, I was an outcast no more. It was grade eight and I was a lot bigger then all the other boys and I had found a passion for basketball and volleyball. This brought me a lot closer to the other boys in my class, but it also brought me closer to all their pre-pubescent discussions about girls. That’s when I started realizing what this difference was. At the time I felt as if it was some monster growing inside of me, because being gay in a world filled with bigotry and hate was not acceptable. I started copying and acting like the other boys in my class, discussing girls like they were some sort of toy when all I really wanted to talk about was boys. I felt like a lost soul and didn’t know what to do. So I just repressed those feelings and told myself I was going to be “straight” if it’s the last thing I did.

Throughout high school, I actively participated in basketball, track and field, and volleyball. I was what one would consider a “jock.” Although I didn’t feel like that at all. Jocks weren’t meant to be gay, or so I was told. If you were gay, openly gay that is, and played any masculine sport in high school, you wouldn’t last long on any team. So, I was “straight.” I dated girls throughout high school, but never slept with any of them, because it just wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t attracted to any of these girls, but I put up a front because high school is a cruel place, and being a homosexual amongst 1200 other students is social suicide. It was like a goldfish, and being thrown into a tank of 1200 piranha. I heard what other students talked about; the names they called guys they suspected to be gay; for example, fuckin’ faggot, fudge packer, homo etc. etc. The list goes on, but you get the idea. Once you’re found out, you are socially humiliated. I didn’t want that, not one bit. But I found myself following suit and making fun of these “suspected” homosexuals. I hated myself for it and it was killing me inside.

Time pressed on, and I had my first experience with a man in about the eleventh grade. He was much older then myself, but passionate nonetheless; I was excited, but hated it at the same time. I hate myself for doing what I did and I felt as if I was a lost soul in this world. I was insecure, unhappy, and scared. I lived in a small city, and was nervous to walk around town and be spotted by the guy I had met. This first experience turned into another and another. Always resulting in me being pissed off at what I had just done. I felt like I was betraying myself for being gay. Once again, I hated myself, and prayed – I don’t know what or who I prayed to – but I prayed I would wake up normal. Normal in the sense that I could grow up and live in the heterosexual world, without hate and without the humiliation; I was hoping that I would suddenly wake up one morning and finally get that hard-on for a hot actress or playboy model. Later in my life (which I will explain) I realized I just had not met the right men and didn’t have the right guidance. This wasn’t how life was supposed to be. You weren’t supposed to grow up afraid of of your own feelings. I felt as if I were that stray black sheep that nobody wanted.

At this point I was in denial and fearful of the future; I was lonely, self-conscious, unaware and lost.

I felt like that for the longest time, but I kept it hidden and it hurt so much. I thought I would be able to get through my life this way. Get through to that day when I could get married and hopefully be able to repress these feeling once and for all.

When I started college I also started working out and lifting weights; not only to get fit and stay in shape, but as an outlet for my aggression. Yet again, I met guys there, who were attracted to women. So I would do what the average, horny guy would do. Check out the all the hot women and comment on their “assets.” It was the norm everyday. I would meet up with my buddies at the gym, we would workout, check out the girls, and comment. I would be secretly commenting in my own head on the hot older guys that worked out there. It was bittersweet; I was accepted, but I wasn’t truly accepting who I was.

My third and final year of college finally rolls around. And this brings us to the present day. Nights have grown long, sleeping has become harder, and I find myself trying to shut out all the negativity in the world and try to accept who I am. Each day, being in the closet, it was killing me and eating at me inside. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. I ultimately met a few amazing men, who have gave me the greatest support I could have ever got. They told me, there is no right time to come out, and it just gets harder with time. They said that being young, you have your whole life to live. I didn’t want to end up that 40 year old married man still in the closet.

I am a 21 year old young man, and I have told myself that I want to live an honest life, not only with myself but with my family and friends.

I have been holding this “burden” my whole life and I sat up one night, for I don’t remember how long, thinking about how I was going to come out. I set out to just tell my sister because we have never really kept anything from each other and we are able talk about everything. So I knew she had to be the first person I told. She was coming home to visit on November 20th; I just couldn’t wait that long. So I decided to send her a text message the next day that would, ultimately, change my life as I know it.

It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I had so much running through my head at that moment. I was scared of rejection, scared that I would tear my family apart, and lose some of the most important people in my life. But I had to pull through and do what I promised myself I would do. So I sent it, that text message that lifted so much weight off my shoulders. The whole thing went so much better than I expected. She told me she loved me and that it would never change, no matter who I was or who I was attracted to. And of course, me coming out to her was accompanied by a million and one questions, all of which I was willing to answer. I have yet to see her, but am excited for the day I can hug her, and thank her for being one of the greatest people in my life.

After this, I felt like I was on a mission. Next up, one of my best friends, Stacie.

Stacie and I have been friends for a few years, and the fact that she lived a fair distance from me, I thought it would be very easy for me to talk to her. So I told her I had to tell her something. And she had a panic attack. She thought I was going to tell her I hated her and didn’t want to be friends anymore. And when I told her I was gay, I read,

“OMG ANGELO. Is that it? That is what you gave me a panic attack for?” I laughed so hard and I was instantly happier.

“If you think you’re going to get rid of me by telling me this, you got another thing coming,” she exclaimed. She told me she loved me either way and nothing would ever change that. She is awesome and we have never been closer.

But then I got a text message back from my sister, telling me something I had totally forgotten.

She said, “You know you have to tell Mom and Dad right.” The moment of happiness came to a close. But I knew it was something that should have been done a long time ago.

I couldn’t bare telling my dad face to face, so when he went out I sat my Mom down. Of course, she had to have her cigarette because she thought I was gonna give her some horrible news like I was sick or had a disease or something. But not quite; I told her I was attracted to men! She was shocked, but told me she always had the slightest idea that I was. I was shocked at that. I thought I was the greatest impersonator of a straight person. She got up and hugged me for what seemed like forever. She told me she loved me no matter what and started to cry. I couldn’t hold back my emotions this time, and I started to cry. I am a man; I just told my mother I was gay, and i was crying. It was probably one of the most relieving moments of my life. She told me she was 100% fine with it, and she was proud that I had the courage to tell her. I went out that night, and my Mom talked to my Dad.

My Dad took the news pretty hard and when I got home that night, he wouldn’t look at me or even talk to me. It hurt, but I knew he would come around with time.

During the time I was out, I picked up my friends for an art festival that happens the first friday of every month. Which is why it’s called “First Friday.” But nonetheless, I was late picking them up because I was having my heart to heart with my Mom. They were pissed and asked why I was late. So I told them. Them being my best guy friend and his girlfriend. My buddy looked at me, patted me on the back and said, “Well thanks for telling me bud!” He was completely okay with it and I was surprised. Guys my age are extremely homophobic but he accepted me and thought nothing of it.

Later that night when I was home, my other best friend, Sharon, came knocking on my door. I told her I had to tell her something earlier in the night, but I didn’t expect her to come by so unannounced. I eventually told her, and she laughed. Not at the fact that I was gay, but at the fact that I waited so long to tell her. It kind of weirded me out because she had so many questions. “How long have you know? Have you been with a guy before? What kind of guys are you interested in?” It went on and on, but it was a great conversation. I never laughed so hard.

That day was one of the greatest days of my life. My Mom, my Dad, my sister, and 4 of my closest friends all know my biggest secret. I have never felt so free. I was relieved of a burden that I had been holding in forever. I have never been happier and can’t stop smiling. I am a new man and ready to take on the world. It feels as if life is an adventure now, waiting to be discovered.

I know this is just the beginning of my whole coming out, yet somehow I feel this is the hardest part of the whole process. I am a strong and resilient individual, and I now know who I am! I know there are going to be bumps along the way, but as long as I have my family and friends, life will be grand!

As an end to this, I found a quote that I found to be very inspirational.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
- Anonymous

Popularity: 5% [?]

The Gay Addict

I could give all kinds of excuses why I chose not to come out, truth be told I was scared..I found a way to be me, but that way became extremely destructive! I became a dancer, and a model. It was a way I could be with women and not feel ashamed. That career choice almost killed me. I became a heroin addict, became extremely addicted to heroin. But at that point I felt it was too late. So I continued, til the law took me in. It wasn’t until I was released from lock up that I came out to my parents. They couldn’t understand! To not only have a daughter that is gay, but to have one that is a gay addict. Double whamy! I still sometimes believe that I can ignore who I really am. And struggle daily with that..

Popularity: 18% [?]

From Hard Times

I’ve never I am gay ever since childhood. Whilst every other girl would play kiss chasey with the boys, I’d rather have sat under the tree with my head in a book, whilst hiding the fact I was sticking my tounge out in disgust at their actions. When I reached high school, I knew that I was going to be able to hide forever, because whilst my friends were off with their first boyfriends, I was keeping myself busy with activities such as glee and school debates. That was until I was 17 and raped by a boy from our rival school’s football team in an attack that left me hospitalised for two weeks.

Several more weeks passed without me returning to school, due to sickness and trauma. Before long, I was forced to face the fact I was pregnant. This made reporting the issue to the police so much more tramuatising because not only did I have to report the attack itself, but also the fact I was pregnant and convince them I hadn’t consented, as he was saying. It meant telling complete strangers I was gay, and it meant telling my parents their only child was gay.

A woman police officer took my statement. She was very polite, and when I told her that I didn’t consent because I knew I was gay, she didn’t question, she accepted. She then asked what my intentions were for my unborn child and I said that I hadn’t really had time to think about that because everything else was so overwhelming. She offered to call a counsellor for me and arrange for me to visit regularly, and she also called the local clinic. I attended my first appointment and came away sure of what I wanted to do. Six and a half months later I would give birth. At that time, I would give my child up for adoption.

The police officer stood by my during the lenghty court proceedings. She sat with me at my family home when I told my parents I was gay and was going to give my baby up for adoption. She even cried with me when he was charged with my rape and aggrevated assault and given a jail sentence. Tears of joy that he was taken away and that I was safe.

On February 18th, 2008, I gave birth to a chubby baby boy, 9lb. 8oz, and handed him over to his new family. In the months that followed, I became depressed and twice attempted to take my own life. The police officer stepped back into my life one cold, snowing night when I was found passed out at the park, having OD’ed on perscription drugs.

After that, she pretty much refused to leave my side because she was that worried about me. My parents didn’t approve, they wanted her to go back to her job and leave me to heal. What they didn’t understand was that she essentially became part of the healing process.

I fell deeply for her. It wasn’t until almost a year after I gave birth that she told me she was gay, too. That wasn’t big enough, though. She then told me she had a five year old daughter, the result of a rape. We began dating, casually at first, but before long I knew this was it!

Now, some eighteen months later, her daughter says she loves me and she likes that I make her mommy smile. They both came to my graduation. She came with me to visit my son with his new family. He looks so much like me it made me cry and I wanted to scream because I couldn’t believe that I’d given birth to this perfect thing but I couldn’t bare to look at him because of how he was conceived. She understood that and when I told her I wanted to talk to the counsellor about it, she came back with me and now I’m in a support group for the victims of rape.

Things are so much better than they were back then. I’m slowly, piece by piece, working things out, getting my life back together. She and I now live together, with my parent’s blessing. Yes, people frown because she’s nine years my senior. Yes, our relationship is frowned upon because the old town people think it’s wrong when I’m 19 and she’s 28. To them I say what should it matter? We’re so in love and without her, there is every chance my parents would have lost their only child, my son his biological mother, my girlfriend the only woman she’s truly loved. I’m so happy that from such hard times came something so much more amazing that I could have ever imagined I deserved.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Will Mom still love me???

In the society I grew up in, being gay is not an option; you just live with the fact that you’re homosexual, but still marry the opposite sex and go on from there.

I came out of the closet to myself only a few months ago. I am an honest person, so I felt I had to tell my closest friends. They were shocked, but they accepted it without question.

My biggest fear is telling my parents. My dad might take a deep breath and accept it as well, but my mom will most likely disown me. It’s weird; because I tryst my mom with everything; but I think it’s the fear that she will no longer consider me her child, and love me, when I tell her, that keeps me awake at night.

Popularity: 15% [?]

My sister

I decided it was time to open the closet door when I had entered into a relationship that seemed like it was going to be a little bit more than experimentation. I really liked this girl and she didn’t deserve to be hidden away. I called my older sister who I never really had been close to but for some reason it just seemed like the right choice. I was afraid of her rejecting me but she welcomed me with open arms. She asked when I knew and who this girl was. She was excited that I found somebody, not what parts they had. Soon after I told the rest of my family at a diner, my sister an I already making inside jokes that none of them understood. She was that helping, understanding hand that I need to take my first step out of that confined darkness.

Popularity: 4% [?]

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