Like A Dream

First of all let me explain that I am not fully “out” but am getting there, slowly but steadily. I have known I was gay since about the age of 10 or 11 and I am now almost 18. I also work as a lifeguard at the local pool.

I started going out with this guy a few weeks ago. I was terrified that people would see us together as we live in a small village with a population of about 2,000. But as I spent more time with this guy the more I wanted to show people how much I loved him!

We would take walks in the woods and hold hands and kiss but as soon as we got into the open we would do nothing. This was fine with me at first because it was a bit of fun and it was my dirty little secret. However I realized this could not go on for ever and eventually I would want to tell people about us.

One day when we were walking in the woods ( and holding hands) someone walked passed us, I thought it was just a tourist but I was soon to find out it wasn’t!

A few days later I was walking down the street after being out with my friend and these two guys (which I knew from school) both asked me if I was gay. Not being able to think about I just said it was possibility. When I went home it occurred to me that someone from the village must have seen me and my boyfriend in the woods.

I went straight to my room when I got home and it hit me that most of village probably knew now but the weird thing is I didn’t care. I sat there asking my self why it mattered so much and I couldn’t think of an answer. So I thought I might as well tell other people.

The next day at work I told another lifeguard and what a surprise, she was cool with it!

Yesterday I went to Swimming Club and somebody made a gay remark to one of the lifeguards so afterwards I went and told the lifeguard that I was gay and I didn’t think it was appropriate. I also explained to him how I had a boyfriend etc. He was really supportive- he said he didn’t have a problem with it and he took an interest to it as well, asking how long I had known I was gay etc.

It was probably hardest to tell the lifeguard at the swimming club how I felt because I had (and still do have a slight) crush on him but it was so easy I think I might tell someone else today.

I will submit another story as I progress through this, surprisingly easy, transition.

Popularity: 62% [?]

I’m sorry.

I’m a girl, and I came out as a bisexual to my boyfriend last August.

I had been waiting for an opportunity to tell him. We had been going out for about ten months. One night, we were having a late night conversation on aim, and I told him about how I’ve had homosexual dreams.

He asked, “are you bicurious?”

And that’s when I came out to him.

At first, he took it very well. He was light-hearted, and he thought it was cool.

But then, he started flipping out.

He was worried about me cheating on him, about how he would never feel good enough, and how I was suddenly a completely different person.

He said he fell in love with the old me, and he wasn’t sure about this new person. Ouch.

We stayed up that whole night, and I cried through most of it.

The next morning, we met up at the beach. It was foggy, overcast. My eyes were puffy and red.

He said that he was so sorry.

We’ve been going out for a year and nine months, now.

We’ve gotten so far.

And it’s really funny, because he ended up accepting himself as a bisexual, too.

But what he said that night, it still stings.

After that, I decided I’m not telling my family unless I absolutely need to.

Popularity: 70% [?]

Looking for support

I was going to come out publically but i confided in a trusted friend who shared my feelings. Well, things seemed so good until- well I won’t talk about it. If anyone is willing to help, I haven’t come out and I don’t know much about the scene other than some time with my former friend. Anyone who can help will be great- I’m in the Scranton area. I’m curious but don’t quite know how to make the scene or meet with others.

Popularity: 74% [?]

Confused

I have been sexually attracted to men for a while, but seem only to connect emotionally with women. I’ve never had any sexual encounters with members of either sex, though I have made advances towards women. I have been parading as completely straight, but I know that’s not the truth (a confession it’s taken me over a decade to admit to myself). Last week, I was prepared to come out to one of my friends as entirely gay, but I don’t believe that’s true either. I realize that would mean that I’m bisexual, that my preference is ambiguous, and that’s disheartening. How can I come out to myself and others if I have no clue which gender I’m attracted to? I would really appreciate some help.

Popularity: 91% [?]

Merry

(Names have been changed to protect privacy)

We had recently moved into the residence hall, and I was unable to find any in the mini mountains of personal items that I had dumped onto the larger of the two beds.

“I know I have some!” I said while searching frantically, making the mountains into plains.

A few doors down, my partner in crime, Marc, was forcing James to stall in an attempt to give me enough time to make everything perfect. Not too perfect. If it were too perfect, James would realize it was a setup.

His knock came minutes earlier than I’d expected. I had only been able to find one, so I tossed it to the floor. It landed in plain view, between the king size bed and the dresser.

“Come in!” I shouted. James entered, leaving the door slightly ajar.

“What are you up to?” he asked casually, though I detected nervousness in his gut. He made a clean spot for himself on the edge of my cluttered king bed. He reclined at an angle, allowing some of his 6’7, pale body to hang over the bedside. We had met only two days before, so I was glad he felt comfortable enough to lie across my bed without my permission. This will go well, I thought…until I eyed it again and realized the product placement seemed too obvious.

Years later, when I told him the truth–and apologized–he said he had no clue that it had all been arranged.

“Looking through old stuff,” I mumbled. “You know how you forget what you have until you move someplace else?”

He nodded. We both chuckled the way strangers do the first time they’re alone together.

I was sitting on the floor, in between the king and the twin, using the smaller bed as a back support. In my hands were old letters from a high school friend and poems I had written as a child, when I thought I’d be the next Nikki Giovanni.

“How come you dumped everything over here?” he asked. “You shoulda dumped it all on that bed so you can sleep on this one.”

“Oh, ya know….”. I trailed off, pretending I was more interested in the papers than conversation. If I’m going to do this, I told myself, then I should let him lead the way.

My body didn’t listen.

I dropped the papers, pushed forward onto my knees, and feigned shock as I picked up what he hadn’t noticed.

“I forgot I had this!” I said as I returned it to its pile. He glanced at it, then looked away, embarrassed.

“You know, I wanted to tell you something,” he said, almost to himself.

I picked up random doodads from the bed, inspected them, put them back.

“What?” I wondered if my response came too quickly. Does he know? I asked myself.

“You seem like the kind of person who’d understand.”

I sat down again, leaning against the twin. “Understand what?”

He twisted in the other direction as if he were losing his nerve and wanted to leave. But the words overtook him, and he blurted,

“See…the thing is…I’m gay.”

“You interrupted me just to tell me that?”

He read my face before releasing a laugh tempered with relief.

“I already knew!”

“Marc told you, didn’t he?”

“You know how Marc is. But I knew before he told me.”

His smile collapsed.

“I only knew because…I just know these things. I always have. My gaydar is 97.8% this summer. Believe me: the guys see you as nothing more than competition, and all the girls want to know is whether you have a girlfriend.”

“You think so?” he said with a coy smile.

I gave him a look. At age 19, he was the youngest summer staff member, but was certainly old enough to know—to have been told, at least—just how desirable he was.

I pushed myself onto my knees again and scooted toward the king bed. I picked it out of the pile and handed it to him.

“If you wear this, the girls’ll get the hint.”

He eyed the gay pride ribbon, but didn’t take it. “I’m not that out yet!”

“I’ll wear it, then!” I searched the piles for a safety pin.

“And he’s hot!” He was pointing at a picture of the well-muscled actor Vin Diesel, which I had taped to my mirror days before.

The picture was not part of the setup, but part of my short-lived attempt to decorate my room.

“I can say that now–now that you know.”

Popularity: 100% [?]

It just feels good

It just feels good. What I mean by that is that it feels good to not “be in the closet”. I do not want to get into how I knew aspect. So….. after I came to the decision of coming public with it, I simply just started including it in conversation. I would just say oh that guys cute, or “very nice, how much?” everytime a twink walked by, no I am just playing. But those are examples on how I included my preference in casual conversation. After telling the first person, I found that it just gets easier. Warning: some people are not willing to accept homosexuals, so just be mindfull of your environment. It takes time, remember safety in numbers and be safe.

Popularity: 76% [?]

Google Sucks!

Annie is the name of my first ever girlfriend. We met my sophomore year of high school. I had a math class with another girl in their “group” and had met Annie through her.
Annie wasn’t completely “out” and I wasn’t “out” at all. I remember always feeling differently towards girls than what I did with guys. I was “one of the guys”. I even would “check out” girls with the rest of them when in middle school. I thought it was normal until the names started coming. So I tried to ignore the feelings.
Once I had met Annie and the rest of the people she hung out with. I finally started to feel a little better about me liking girls. However, the names kept coming. We all started hanging out every Friday at a local coffee shop.
My brothers found out way before my parents did and they were fine with it. They even think it’s cool. I guess it’s some weird guy thing. I didn’t plan on telling my parents until I was absolutely sure that I liked girls. I didn’t even know if I was gay or bi at the time either. However, my mom found an online blog that one of the girls in our group had and read it on one of the Fridays that I was out for coffee. She was extremely upset about it. I don’t know if she told my dad or not. It’s never really came up though.
Almost 4 years later and my mom still thinks that it’s just a phase that I am going through. She talks about me when she thinks I’m not listening. My dad doesn’t talk about it since there is no need to. I’m not the first person in the family to say they like the same sex. My dad’s cousin is openly gay and is really close to the family. . My brothers are still cool with me being confused as to whether I’m gay or bi. Even my cousin loves to take me out to the store to “check out” girls. Most importantly, I’m not in the closet anymore about whether or not I like girls and my confidence has improved since coming out.
I’m not absolutly certain if I’m gay or bi but I hate labels and I know that I like girls… Just not sure about the guy thing.

Popularity: 63% [?]

Long Road to The Truth

Well as long as I can remember I have always said I am straight and refused to be anything else. However I always had this part of me that was attracted to girls and I knew it but I just continued ignoring it.

Don’t get me wrong I was raised by my Mum to think that being gay is just fine in fact a lot of my friends are gay and I have no problem with it I just never thought of myself as gay or bi.

A little over a month ago I think it was now I decided oh actually I am bi. Lately I have been leaning more towards being attracted to woman but am also still attracted to men.

When I told my Mum she was great about it but lately she has been really pushing me to be gay. This sounds strange I know but she is constantly asking me if I’m gay and won’t let it go. So for me I feel like she is telling me I can’t like both but the truth is I do.

For me its still a struggle to decide if I’m Bi or gay I’m not sure I am ready to decide just yet. I just hope that at some point my Mum will let me decide on my own and stop pushing me.

Popularity: 58% [?]

What you didn’t know

I was raised in a smalltown just outside of mainstream surburbia, and it had be just mum and I my entire life – my father apparantly left my mother the mere minute she give birth to me. My mum and I have always been close – one advantage of the fact my mother gave birth to me when she was all of 16. We could take about anything – even the topic of sex was a completely open book with her.

Well, that was until I turned 16 and become strangely curious about sex with women. I immediately freaked out -yes, I’d been taught that was perfectly natural (which I’ll always be so thankful for), but it suddenly occured to me that when these thoughts are your own, it doesn’t feel so natural. Part my panic was the fact I’d never even had an interest in boys – I’d seen my friends end up devastated countless times by boys who simply treated them as any less than humans, and assumed the whole male species was this way, as my father was the classic example of male scum.

Well, I became classically bookish – I buried my head in a fantasy world to escape reality, but that was without prevail.

A few months before turning 18, I graduated high school, at which point my mother agreed to me travelling to the big city (many hours away) with a few friends for a celebration vacation.

Well, the trip there was certainly interesting – my best friend asked me about my sexuality after taking note of my growing interest in ‘The L Word’ (something I had longed manage to cover up from my mum, as I was ashamed of watching it, forgetting the fact I was actually highly aroused by it). She caught on when she heard me discussing the storylines with an openly gay friend a few weeks earlier – hell, the words just fell from my lips. “Tia, I’m a lesbian”.

Crap, those cheers will ring in my ears till the day I die – turns out everyone damn well knew it, surprise, surprise!

When we arrived, a few of the girls were bold enough to suggest we spent our first night clubbing at a newly opened lesbian party spot – I was apprehensive but eventually gave in more for curiousity and the need to meet someone who was “just like me!”. It was a roaring success – met my girlfriend there… yes, Lana and I are still together, 3 years down the track.

Cut a long story short, when I arrive home, Lana and I kept contact via telephone and email – I told mum she was a fellow school graduate and we were interested in pursuing similiar things at uni., and hell, she believed me.

So, months passed and Lana and I met up again at uni. – I moved into the city for my first session to see if I could cope with that lifestyle, and work from there was the concept. Things got heated between Lana and I – I was racked with guilt after the first time we slept together cos I was so in love with her and yet I couldn’t tell my mum – the woman I told everything.

I came home at the end of session and bought Lana with me – it was crunch time. I sat down with mum and Lana one night and bit the bullet, although I felt like I wanted to spew the whole time.

“Mum, I’m a lesbian, and Lana and I are seeing each other. I love her and there’s nothing you can do about it”.

Well, I hadn’t expected mum to hit the roof or anything – as I said, she taught me about homosexuality in the first place. But I hadn’t expected her to ask Lana to leave the room because:

“Georgia and I need to talk”.

And then it all came out (pardon the pun):

My mum is a lesbian, too, which is way she and my father were no longer together. Her parents are fundamentalist Christians, devout in every way. She started dated my date only to keep them satisfied, and the fact she had sex with him was apparantly rebellion. She got kicked out of home, of course, but hey, she said “It meant I could finally tell everyone I’m gay without fear of growing apart from mum and dad”. Twisted logic, but she figured her parents already hated her, and couldn’t hate her any more, so she was straight out. Dad knew he and mum stood no chance and left on the basis he would provide child support – it was his wife he was keeping him from me because she was against his past and didn’t want their children finding out.

A relief in many ways – mum and I can now happily attend many gay events together and at least now I know why she taught me the way she did – it all adds up now! She now has a partner and I’ve never seen her happier – I guess my life did a 360 in a matter of minutes.

Popularity: 39% [?]

Always Been Open

When I was 12 years old I told my mom that I thought I was a Lesbian. She said it was normal at my age to experiment and that she had done the same thing. I dated many girls and was just always open about my feelings. When I was 17 I decided to date a man, got pregnant and married and tried to live a straight life. We had a very sexless marriage, other than the few times we did and I got pregnant. I have three children and am divorced. I now have a fiance that is female. My family has known since I was young and I had no problems telling them even though we weren’t close. After the divorce I told my Mom that I was dating a woman and she said “thank God”. LOL. Any friends I have made I have been honest with them upfront. I have been accepted by everyone. I am very happy to be out and be myself. I couldn’t live any other way.

Popularity: 31% [?]

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