“Please Don’t be Gay when you grow up”

I have known I liked men since I was very young (I’m 20 now), That was never a question. The question was always weather or not I liked women at all. About a year to a year and a half ago I found out that I don’t like women in the same way that I like men and I am, in fact, gay. I always thought I was pretty good at hiding my sexual orientation but looking back on it now, many people saw right through it and I just refused to acknowledge it. I’v been asked many times if I am gay, though I am not feminine or flamboyant. But I can be pretty stereotypical, but I never considered it as something that gave me away because that’s just what I like, it’s not because I’m gay. Anyways, when I was very young, before I even knew what it really meant to be gay, my mother used to ask me not to be gay when I grew up. She was not saying this in a mean or offensive way on purpose. She works with many older gay men who she sees without families and in some cases without anyone significant in their lives and she just did not want that for me. So I promised her every time she asked (even once when I was old enough to understand that I did like men) that I would not be gay. I was nervous and unsure of who I really was then but I am not now. And it’s obvious to me now that she said this because she saw signs from a young age that I would be gay. As much as I know she did not mean it in a harmful way, I am having trouble coming out to my parents and others now, in fear that she will not take it well. I don’t want to add more stress in my mother’s already stressful life, but I want to be out, I’m sick of having to hide who I am. I live in Massachusetts, I go to art school, I know my roommates will be accepting (though it will be weird at first). I have come out to five of my closest friends and they all took it very well and nothing has really changed but I have still had to hide my feelings when I am with them around other people, and I really do not enjoy it.

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