And Then I was Gay……

Like the first entry here stated, every person has more than one coming out story… or at least most do, and I’m in that category… but for my first one, I’ll focus on the hardest. Mostly because it has turned out more than okay, and I just want people to know that even if it starts out bad, it can and will get better. Just hang it there

Now on to the story

“Simone said Hannah told her about you telling her you were bi and that you loved a girl and she hopes that Hannah won’t be getting any ideas from you because you know how prejudiced people can be”.

I was speechless. This came from my dad at the very end of a long drawn-out argument with his wife, Simone. Hearing him say this to me was like watching my my whole world fall apart right in front of me.

I didn’t say anything.

After a long while of us staring at each other I told my dad it was
true; that I was in fact bi. He just said okay and walked away and I couldn’t do or say anything other than “Dad….”

He paced around for what seemed like an eternity, until he finally
decided to sit and listen to me. At that point, I was sobbing so much and I just wanted him to hug me, but that didn’t happen. I couldn’t face him, I couldn’t look at his eyes. He just stood there.

“I’m more different than you may think,” he said when I asked him if
he loved me any less. He went on further to say he would never love me
any less no matter what, but his words did not leave me comforted.

Then I started ranting. I just went on and on about how I couln’t believe my step-sister had told her mom about what I confided in her and how many people would crucify me if they knew. I told him how afraid I was. Dad told me I had it coming for trusting a teenager, that I’d have to learn how to live with that and that I shouldn’t tell anyone.

Later that day, while my dad and his family were away at my grandpa’s, I decided to call Hannah. She claimed she didn’t tell her mom; that
Simone had suspected all along because I had never been with a boy and
because she saw my ‘The L Word’ wallpaper on my computer. Hannah went
on further to explain that Simone was afraid I would do something to Hannah. Like I’d try and “convert” her or something (it would be funny to see her face if she ever found out that Hannah used to say she didn’t know whether she liked boys or girls).

Honestly? I had no idea what to think. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. I couldn’t trust my step-sister, I couldn’t trust Simone and I didn’t know what to think about dad because he was acting so strangely. I dreaded the thought of facing them again. It felt like my life was over as I knew it and it’s not even the fact that they knew, it’s just that I wanted to tell people on my own terms; when I was ready and I had been robbed of that. I was outed by force. And it hurt.

That was about two to three years ago. So much has changed since then.
One of the funny things is the fact that I thought that by being bi, it wouldn’t be as bad, and more acceptable than being gay but over time, I realized that I’m in fact gay and it doesnt matter.

Simone eventually kicked me out of the house, which led to the divorce
of her and my dad. My dad’s come around to fully supporting me and he’s just great about everything. He helped me move in with my fiancee and has even requested that we name one of our children after him, as he says he has such great first and middle names, that a little boy should be so lucky to carry them. He’s modest, my dad.

Now like I said… it’s hard for everyone… or at least for most; but just hang in there. It does get better.

Hope this could be of help.

ps. Thanks Tabby and Meghan for all the help!!!

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